Personal development. Self Control

Defining Self-Control

The basic premise of self-control is the use of reason to control instinct, whether that instinct is for something bad or against something that is good for us.

In an age of instant gratification, it is perhaps an unusual and under-valued quality but, nonetheless, one worth striving for.

You will know that you need to exercise self-control when you feel either:

• Overwhelming desire to do something pleasurable, which you know is not good for you, especially in excess; or
• Disgust at the idea of doing something, especially if you know it is good for you.

Assessing your Self-Control

You can get an idea of your levels of self-control by thinking about something that you really want, whether food, drink, or object. You might, for example, feel that you really love chocolate.

Now give yourself a rating from one to ten for:

• How much you really want that something, on the right occasions, and in the right amounts;
• The strength of the pleasure that you get from buying, eating or otherwise possessing it; and
• How disappointed you would be if you couldn’t have it.

Consider whether you feel that you are governed by your desire for that thing (for example, you might find yourself saying ‘I really have to have some chocolate right now’).

Pained by not being able to have it (for example, ‘I’ve gone a whole day without being able to buy any chocolate because the shop was closed. That’s really spoiled my day’).

In control (for example, ‘I haven’t had any chocolate for a few days, so a bar wouldn’t hurt, but perhaps I’ll leave it until tomorrow because I had a piece of cake earlier’).

Going through a process like this will help you to assess whether your desire is appropriate, or excessive, and whether or not to indulge in what you want.

A Slight Diversion: Shame

If you do something which you know you should not do, such as overeat or drink too much, you may feel ashamed.

Shame is generally driven by a sense of personal disappointment at having let ourselves down, and is therefore helpful in developing better self-control. Next time you are tempted, try to remember how ashamed you were last time,and that will help you to exercise the necessary self-restraint.

Source Skillsyouneed.com